Halloween at the Dental 6 -
"We'll leave the drill on for ya..."

This is the third of three very kooky dreams I had the other night...

Jay and I were staying with our friends Greg and Casey at a Motel 6 that was also a dentist's office and research laboratory for highly infectious diseases. I was cleaning the toilet in our room, because Jay and I had each recently splattered it with crapnel, when I overheard Jay sharing the details of the twin-toilet-splattering to Casey. I got angry that Jay was talking to Casey about my poop, so I stormed out of the room. But in my haste, I left our room through the wrong door.

I found myself smack in the middle of the laboratory, stumbling into a man in a haz-mat suit carrying a cooler filled with various diseases. A nurse quickly hooked her elbow in mine and pulled me to the side. "You're not supposed to be here," she was saying to me, trying to get me out of the way as a caravan of haz-mat suits carrying coolers of contagion filed past us.

I began to explain that I was lost when a woman in a haz-mat suit walked up to me. She asked me some questions, but I was distracted by her face, behind the clear mask of her suit, which appeared to be covered in shiny dewdrops, but which I quickly realized were blisters.

A doctor, a black woman, approached me next. She was in costume, and it suddenly dawned on me that it was Halloween. She was wearing a white robe, and had a towering headdress of pearls on her head. "What are you dressed as?" I asked.

"I'm a KKK Ho'," she explained. I nodded in recognition, and lamented that I hadn't remembered to wear a costume. She disappeared for a moment, and returned with her costume in hand.

"Here, wear mine," she offered. "I'm tired of winning the contest every year anyway."

I took her costume and she turned to walk away. "But don't you think some people might be offended?" I asked her.

She turned to me, with a confused look on her face. "What for?" she asked.

"Well, I'm a white dude," I said.


"Well, don't you think some people might find a white guy dressed as a black prostitute for the Klan offensive?"

She looked at the floor, shaking her head. "You're right! I didn't think of that," she said. "Dammit!"

"That's OK!" I said. "I can just go as Dolly Parton!" (because - somehow - the KKK Ho' costume could also easily double as a Dolly Parton costume)

I changed into the costume and returned to the Dental Office as a blinding white, rhinestone-emblazened Dolly Parton with spectacular, towering, pearl-adorned platinum blonde hair. I performed "Country Roads" substituting "Nebraska" for "West Virginia," to the delight of everyone in the office.

For my grand finale, I fell into the indoor dental/motel pool, and used my gigantic hair as a floatation device. (Yep, my hair - you'd have thought bazooms, wouldn't you? But no...)

It occurs to me now that this is yet another hair dream. And not only that, it's the second dream in which I've appeared as a Gay drag icon (first Joan Collins, and now Dolly). Now, I think drag queens are fabulous and hold a vital position in the gay community. They are wonderfully entertaining, and integral to our culture and history. But I've never had any urge to do drag myself, so I find this just a bit puzzling. Should I give it a try?


Post a Comment

<< Home