Dorf on my Husband
(or, How Tim Conway Tried to Steal My Man)

Jay and I both had really messed up dreams last night. The really weird thing is that our dreams bore some strange similarities. What brought on our tandem dreams? Was it the Pizza Hut dinner? All the bourbon we drank? Or the bag of beef jerky? I only ate ONE bite!

My "Braided Fabric and Self-portrait Photography" was being displayed in a large gymnasium-type building, along with the Braided Fabric and Self-Portrait Photography of several other Fabric Braiding/Self-Portrait artists. I can only guess that this was some type of 4-H activity being judged at the State Fair. The "artwork" was literally large bolts of fabric we had unrolled and folded into braided patterns to which we'd attached 8.5 x 11" head-shots of ourselves. Some of the displays still had the fabric wrapped in its original bolts.

My parents and grandparents had come to view my handiwork. To get down to the gymnasium floor, we had to descend via an intricate and increasingly treacherous system of conveyor belts and escalators. At first, the belts were fairly simple, seemingly safe, and rather fun as I slid down and sideways in my descent into the gym. But the journey became more and more tricky, and dangerous, ending in a long balancing act high above the gym floor on a single rubber escalator hand-rail pitched at a 45-degree angle. I slid down it deftly, and called to my grandpa (who was following me) to jump at a certain point. He did, and I tried to catch him, but he landed hard on the wood gym floor, and I heard his ankles snap.

Apparently my grandpa's injuries weren't of great concern, because we went on to view the fabric displays. This is the first of several points in the dream where I thought I woke up, but was actually still dreaming. We were now in the basement of my parents old house in Grand Island, NE, and the fabric displays were on the walls.

My mom confided to me, "I can't really tell what is artistic about these."

Thinking I was actually awake at this point, I said to her, "That's because I dreamt them all up! These are all from my dream!"

Her eyes lit with understanding and she said, "Ohhhh..." It all made sense now.

I then found myself in my childhood bedroom, also in the basement. Again, I thought I had just woken up from the dream. In fact, I went through I don't know how many awakenings in this portion of the dream. It was almost like one of those Russian dolls, where you open one up, only to reveal another doll inside it. And when you think you've opened the last one, sure enough, it opens and there's another, smaller one hidden inside. I'm not sure how many times I "woke up" and thought I was finally in the waking world, but finally I woke up, and went back into the other basement room where the fabric had been on display.

Here, I found Jay sitting in a chair with Tim Conway (from the old Carol Burnett show). Jay was wearing a pair of black speedo biking shorts, and Tim had his left foot pressed into Jay's crotch. I could see through the spandex fabric that Jay was ... enjoying the placement of Mr. Conway's foot. I pulled Jay away from the little usurper and back into my bedroom. And once again, I awoke.

This time I awoke for real, but by now was so bewildered, I had no idea where I actually was. Through my (truly) open eyes, I looked in front of me and recognized, sort of, the room I was in, and feeling cold, realized I wasn't covered by the blanket. I pulled at the blanket, and immediately heard Jay protest. "No! Those are MY blankets!"

"No, they're MY blankets!" I argued. But then I realized what I had been seeing through my open eyes was the bedroom through the mirror on the wall at the head of the bed, upside-down (because I was lying on my back). This explained why the room didn't look quite right - I was seeing it upside-down and in reverse. I had, as a result, pulled the blanket the wrong direction, completely off of Jay in the process. Finally properly oriented, I said, "Man I am having fucked up dreams!"

"You're telling me? Jay responded.

"You're having weird dreams too?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. Like, I can't distinguish dreams from reality at all," he said.

"Me either!" I said. "And I'm having dreams within dreams within dreams like I've never experienced."

"Mmm Hmmm" he agreed. "And I was in the basement of my parents old house."

"So was I! In my parents old basement!" I marveled at the similarities in our dreams, and added, "And I caught Tim Conway playing with your weiner."




"The old, shriveled Tim Conway, or the young Tim Conway from Carol Burnett?"


Barbra Sher's Temple of Doom

(just deal with my bad spelling and grammer)
dream aug 25 2005 John and I were discussing going 2 some temple in australia on the southwestern coast. John was hesitent cause he had been there a bunch when he was a kid. I however was still interested cause it had some strange green glass disk mounted in the centerof the temple. This disk when it was noon would caste a strange greenprint on the temple floor.
(switch 2 third person)
inside the temple there was some battle going on. In which these two strange human like specicies were fighting amongst themselves and the normal humans that would randomly break into the scene. the 2 specicies only difference was in size and clothing the larger being 7' or so and the smaller being 5'. The larger wearing a mongolian plate mail the smaller a less frilly armor. what they shared in common was the fact that they both looked like they had that bone diesease were the bones dont stop growing, their skin looking painfully streched over their riged bone structure.
Two humans finnaly broke threw the inter structure of the temple(back 2 1st person????myself being one of them).
we broke into a new area with these strange stone landings that were bout 2' wide. they ran along these walls of stone and we had 2 jump from landing to landing the drop being bout 500' straight down to a rocky beach(thatnk god it was somewhat foggy which made the jumps somewhat bearable)
a side note : i was not in my body cause they guy that i was was greek looking black hair and olive skin(im german scottish) ???????? the woman that i was also greek in appearance long black curley hair and rather atractive
finally we reached the top of the temple, manovering round some pillars to inter a large terrace which lead 2 the actual top. In this terace area there were two sets of steps that lead to the pinacle. some how i knew that the dark preistest that we had came here 2 kill was up there.
The woman however instead of going after the preistess nealed down in the foryour area that we were in retiving 2 of 4 total (unopened and in the plastic) decks of tarot cards that were seting in between the two sets of stares.
She opened the the two decks and began to shuffle them together, comencing to deal herself a hand on the floor in front of me. This confused me cause i thought we were sopposed to kill the woman? So i decide to peer around a pilar but i still cant see the woman. the woman that i was with after much contemplation decides that we should leave . so we do????
(switch to thrid person) the temple is flooding and I can now see the evil preistess(who strangly looks like barbra sher the pbs speaker she does motivational lectures which are actualy quite good) The preistess is holding up her hands and the floodwhich strangly looks like blood forms a great waterfall washing her out to sea
the greek woman and I have some discussion on me continuing my courrier in blacksmithing back in the states



Smokey Gellyfish

april 1 2005 I was working with sheet metal on a construction site with a cooworker named mike, when for some strange reason i decided to take off my shoes. Well that didnt go so well and when climbing around on some scafolding I cut the underside of my foot to the bone. Strangly though it hurt, there was no blood at all. since it wasnt bleeding i decided to put my shoes back on and go over to mikes.
Our travles lead us down an ally which i had been down previously in the dream and had left two large coffee bags of marijuana in a dumpster. This dumpster now had a homeless man in it sorting threw the trash. On our way by i reached into the dumpster retriveing the large bags of pot, and poured two large handfulls into the homeless mans hands(which of course he was apreciative).
As we continued on our walk mike and i began to notice these strange cloud like jelly fish hovering in mide air all over denver. Some were small 1'x1'x3' some were large 30'x30'x70' and generaly hovering over buildings. One could run your hand threw them and the dense black smoke would break apart and reform . i attempted 2 breath the smoke and it tasted like sut and smog. the large ones were wraping and clinging to large buildings and skyscrapers.
We finally arrived at mikes were i met mike's mom and her boyfriend. We all decided that we would watch a bronco game, but for some strange reason we are going to watch from a car far from the stadium. We park in front of a sewer stream were a man is swimming. The man yells at us to watch and lifts out of the water and surfs on his feet

ok and yes my dreams confuse the hell out of me , but there interesting :)