Original Moonshine

Been a while since I've had a dream worth posting but this morning's was pretty weird. It involved Dolly Parton, Lex Luthor, Flyleaf and Tonga. Tonga why do I keep dreaming about you? Get out of my head!

Tonga and I were going to see Flyleaf perform an acoustic gig inside a big room in this sort of victorian farmhouse. They were opening for Dolly. So we're watching them do their thing - it's a very small audience too - all lined up on the little stage strumming guitars and singing etc. and they finish up so Dolly can get going on her show. I don't remember hearing any music at all, I just know they performed.

Dolly sang part of her first song and I noticed the actor who plays Lex from Smallville sitting near us - but in the dream he *was* Lex Luthor and not Michael Rosenbaum. I remember saying to Tonga that Lex was here. But also, I knew Lex wasn't the evil genius he portrays rather he was a boring old attorney. I dunno. I'm weird and yes I watch too much Smallville.

Anyway, midway through Dolly's first song she stops and pulls Tonga and me onstage and tells us we're going to help her out with a little skit. The skit requires us to change into costumes. Tonga's involved a corset and mine involved a black bouffant, flippy wig that had some kind of glue on the right side that had to be stuck to my cheek to make it look right. It was an elaborate wig as you'd imagine any wig of Dolly's to be.

We do our skit (no idea what the skit was) and it isn't received well - meaning it wasn't that funny - and both Tonga and I were glad to get offstage and back into the audience. Though it was cool to be onstage with Dolly :) When I took the wig off the part that was glued to my cheek just ripped off my skin and it hurt like a bitch. The area of my face had a rectangular, angry red mark on it that burned. I was mortified to have this blotch on my face and I kept trying to use my (real) hair to hide it while trying to stifle whiny moans of pain. I distinctly remember trying not to let Lex see it.

After the show, Dolly is packing up and I approach her with my hand over my cheek and I ask her what the hell that glue is that burns so much and she tells me in her own 'Dolly' way that it ain't no big deal and if I go up to her dressin' room and find a bottle of her 'Original Moonshine' it'll get that red mark right off.

So I go off thinking I'm looking for a still or something and instead find an old-fashioned bottle that looks like the tonic you'd buy in a general store in the 1800s called 'Original Moonshine.'

Then I woke up. The end.


15 Minutes to Apocalypse

Note: This is a dream I had a few years ago...

Only fifteen minutes until the Apocalypse, and I hadn’t read the guide. It was like that nightmare where I forgot to study for the test. Only this was real. I was a key player, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Worse, I wasn’t even sure of my role.

The thing is, I had gone through this once before, and this was like Deja vu, only in real-time. Fifteen minutes until the Apocalypse, and not everyone was present and accounted for. There should be four archangels of darkness, and 2 angels of light. Last time, one of the angels of light was a no-show. And here we are again, 15-minutes-til, and only one angel of light.

But this time I feel different. Aside from being completely unprepared, I don’t really feel evil. This just adds to my disorientation. I walk up to the other archangels, they say “Hey,” and I say “Hey,” and then I decide to fess up.

“Hey guys,” I say, “I’m feeling really unprepared, and like I don’t quite know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Did you read the guide?” one of the archangels asks.

“No, and I think that might be my problem,” I say. “But the thing is, I’m not really feeling the evil vibe and I’m really having doubts as to whether I’m supposed to be one of the angels of darkness. What am I gonna do?”

“Don’t worry, dude, it’ll come to you,” another reassures me. “You’ve gotta be one of us! We can’t be the Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse, can we?”

My mind was reeling with uncertainty, but I knew how I felt… “I know, guys, I know, but I feel more like an angel of light. And they’re one short too! What if that’s supposed to be me?”

“Don’t worry about it. You gotta go with what you feel. But I know someone who'll have the answer, if it’ll make you feel better.” And the archangel hands me a post-it note with a phone number scrawled on it. “But you better hurry, it’s just fifteen minutes until the Apocalypse!”

I look at the number. “Some of these numbers are runes!” I say, “How the fuck do I dial runes?”

“Use the phone on the wall over there, and dial the numbers. You’ll be transported instantly.”

Still not sure how I was going to dial runes, I picked up the phone and looked down at the post-it note, and it was then I realized that the runes on the note were buttons. So I dialed the numbers into the phone, and pressed the rune-buttons on the post-it note, hoping I was doing it in the correct order.

As promised, I was transported instantly, and there on a large orange bean bag in front of me sat Lily Tomlin or Sonny Bono. I cut to the chase, “Hi. Look. It’s fifteen minutes til the Apocalypse and I haven’t read the guide. I’m teamed up with the dark side, but I’m not feeling the darkness. I feel like an Angel of Light, and the thing is, they’re one short. But if I go over to fill the Light position, I’m totally screwing the Four Horsemen, who will then only be Three. I don’t know what the Hell I’m supposed to be doing, so can you tell me where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do?”

“Sit down and have some tea,” Lily or Sonny said.

“No I’m short on time, here,” I said. “I need to know what I’m supposed to be doing, and someone said you knew the answer.”

“Well, in my experience, everything usually works out for the best,” she or he replied.

“I don’t need cryptic answers!” I shouted, my impatience bubbling to the surface. “I need solid direction!” And I guess I must have hung up on him or her, because the next thing I knew, I was standing back by the wall, with the phone in my hand, and a dial tone humming through the tiny speaker.

And still, it was fifteen minutes until the Apocalypse, and I had no idea what the Hell I was going to do! But maybe the answer was there. "Everything works out for the best," I said to myself. But what on Earth does that mean? Or, what does that mean on Earth? We're talking about the Apocalypse - how will the Apocalypse work out for the best?

Of course! It doesn't matter. I'm not going to ruin the Apocalypse. The Apocalypse will be no less an Apocalypse with me not on the Dark side. There will be no love lost between me and the other Archangels of Darkness if I do what feels right. And ultimately, that's all I can do. I can only do what feels right for myself.

And besides, I've still got fifteen minutes...