I , Salad Fingers, Made Alfred Hitchcock Who He Was

I had the funniest nightmare the other night. It wasn't the scariest dream I've ever had, by any means. But at the time I was experiencing it, it wasn't really all that pleasant. Once I woke up, however, it was much funnier than frightening.

The funniest thing about it was that it was inspired by Salad Fingers, the cute, odd, and kinda creepy animations which, strangely enough, were inspired by their creator's dreams. Check them out:


So anyway, in my dream, I discovered that the creator of Salad Fingers, David Firth, had actually based the character, Salad Fingers, on ME. I was Salad Fingers, to him. Oddly, upon realizing this, the entire world I lived in took on an eerie dream-like state (not surprising, perhaps, since I was dreaming) much like the world Salad Fingers himself inhabits.

But Mr. Firth had created Salad Fingers with very malicious intentions. He had it in for me, and his animating of me as Salad Fingers was his way of manipulating my world and causing misfortune to befall me. In the dream, I was existing in a partly flash-anitmated world, while also able to see the real world and Mr. Firth animating me, along with his entire family - who all hated me as well (I don't know why). I don't even know what David Firth looks like, but he and his family were in my dream nonetheless, and so my subconscious apparently just invented a human image of what I would perhaps expect him to look like. In my dream he was short, slightly stocky, perhaps even a tad chunky, with pale skin, guppie-like eyes, and curly, dirty blonde hair. (Had you asked me, while awake, what I would imagine him looking like - that is NOT how I would have described him - so I don't know where my subconscious came up with this guy to play the part of David Firth in my dream - but there it is).

Anyway, as I'm being manipulated into odd misfortunes in my gloomy flash-animated world in which Mr. Firth has trapped me, Alfred Hitchcock walks in to the room where David is sitting at his computer animating me. (I am viewing this as if they are giants appearing above me in the sky, while I'm bound to my world of computer animation - perhaps I'm peering out at them from a computer monitor...) Alfred Hitchcock speaks to David Firth, and I hear him say that he owes his entire career to me.

But he wasn't crediting me for his success. Mr. Hitchcock was BLAMING his career on me. I realized that this was an Alfred Hitchcock from a thread of reality in which he had NOT found success as a film director. Recognizing an opportunity, I somehow manifested myself as a real person in the room with them and began a sales pitch to Mr. Hitchcock.

I told him I knew a thing or two about photography and composition, and that I could help him set up his shots. I then gave him some ideas for memorable camera shots, which were actual cinematic moments he was famous for. And I then realized that these had actually been my ideas to begin with - and he had taken credit for them and gotten famous.

Of course, this set forth a time paradox, and sure enough - He did indeed owe his career to me - but as it turned out, it was his success that I helped create, by giving him the ideas to direct the films he had directed decades ago. And, upon waking, it was true - Alfred Hitchcock is now indeed a well-known director - thanks to me, and the dream I had the other night, in which Alfred Hitchcock visited me from the past, got some ideas, and altered this timeline.


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